Reality Check

 Now begins the actual process of dealing with all this. All the meds, and more importantly - what they do to Nicki. She's on 2 heart meds, plus a diuretic for blood pressure. That apparently tipped her body into incontinence. She became completely unaware of leaking urine - and it was not good.

So back to the vet we went, to get meds to fight the incontinence. Within hours after giving her second dose, she began to vomit repeatedly. Then she developed diarrhea. I looked up the side effects of the medication, which were not good. The dosing also seemed too strong for her little body. We stopped that medication immediately. Now I'm fasting her to give her body a chance to purge the medication that caused the reaction. In the meantime, I'm washing a lot of towels, rugs, and dog butt. It's been pretty hectic.

So hectic that it took a while to register: this is not a passing illness. I'm not nursing her back to health. That cannot happen. At best, this could be called palliative care. I'm trying to manage her symptoms to preserve some quality of life for her. I want her to be comfortable and happy.

And that's an end game.

I've been through this. It's hard to stop yourself from becoming hopeful when they perk up and seem to feel better. It's hard to accept that they won't continue to improve. It's hard to be so powerless for someone you love so much.

Ordinary tasks become fraught. The size of the bag of kibble becomes a question mark. How much longer? How long?

For now, I have boiled chicken and rice ready for when her system quiets down, The main priority is to get her heart meds into her. Since she's not getting incontinence meds now, we'll have to go back to taking up her water in the evening, extra walks and trips outside, and fingers crossed for a dry morning. Again. 

The worst of it is that she's such a lady, and all this upsets her. She seems downright insulted to be asked to go out every 1 1/2 - 2 hours. No Lasix for now - not till we speak to the vet again tomorrow to try to get a different incontinence medication.

We're just juggling symptoms, and trying to push against the door to keep the monster from breaking in and stealing her.

Update (following day): I suggested that we try halving the dosage of the incontinence meds (Prion). The vet agrees. So last night, when we were awakened at 3:00 am by a slightly damp pupper jumping up onto the bed, after letting her out and cleaning her up, I gave that 1/4 pill. She was dry this morning, but spent the day just not herself. So far no vomiting or diarrhea (fingers crossed, but that didn't start until the 2nd dose last time), but my girl just ain't right. At one point I saw her sitting and staring at a blank wall. When let out, she circles and paces, comes back, goes back out, lather rinse repeat. It's as though she can't quite figure out how to do her business. I did call the vet again to tell her the final verdict on Prion is that it does help Miss Nicki, but the cost to her is too high. Spent the day waiting for a call back. Maybe tomorrow. 2nd dose of the day at 7:00 pm. Keep us in your thoughts.